Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Working the Book, Step 2, Part 3

Which words in Step 2 do I find especially meaningful?
First, a reminder of the wording of Step 2:
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
I think the strongest part of that phrase is "Power greater than ourselves."  For so long, I've denied the existence of a helping deity.  I have claimed that "there is a God, but it's closer to a scientist/ petri dish relationship.  He's just watching, not messing with it."  I'm still not sure the Great Divine really has an interest in my day to day life, but I know that if things really get bad, it'll intervene.  The Great Divine has a vested interest in keeping me alive and sane, and can handle all that I ask it to help with.
"To sanity" is also powerful. It is a reminder of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expecting different results.  I've been doing the same thing, in one form or another, my whole life, and expecting different results.  I've tried going it alone for 15 years and expected something different.  Sanity is waking up from the nightmare, not just reaching for another knife and staying asleep.
"Restore" gives me hope.  It means I haven't always been crazy and won't always be crazy.  It means there is still some spark in me that wants things to be healed.  Even a scar is no longer a gaping, oozing wound.
"Believe."  A simple word that has always been my way forward.  Believe in a better tomorrow.  Believe that things and people can change.  Believe that things must get saner,  because the Great Divine won't let it get worse.

1 comment:

  1. I saw this step as a progress: I came, came to, came to believe.