Last night, a friend caused me to have some emotional issues and I lost my serenity for a bit.
Every Saturday, we have a few friends over to play video games or watch anime or just hang out. Last night was an MMORPG that we've been playing quite frequently. We did several dungeons in game, then the friend that joins us online bowed out. The friend that caused the irritation then runs off and does something with his guild in game. No notification, no asking what the group plan was. Just drops the group he was physically with to go play with someone else.
It wouldn't have bothered me near as much if he had said something prior to dropping us. "Hey, I'm gonna go do a guild bounty and I'll be right back." I would've been cool with that, because it's quick and only can happen once a week. Instead, he drops us like a sack of rotten potatoes for his cool guildies.
I felt irritated that he didn't bother telling anyone until he did it. I felt frustrated that we apparently ranked second. I felt abandoned. I felt anger that he couldn't exhibit good manners. I felt shame, like it was somehow my fault he had ditched us. When my husband pulled inward and ignored everyone for a bit to deal with his frustration and anger, I felt alone.
To deal with it in a healthy way, I examined the emotions, one by one, and meditated. I took out the anger on things in game. I found my serenity, not by rationalizing away what he did, but by realizing it wasn't something I could control. It wasn't the first time this person had been a dick and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
Good going to not take on the why he did it. It's his to own. And what he does isn't anything you can control. I would feel left out or angry at a slight because of my great fear of rejection and abandonment. "no one loves me, etc." I realize that's my disease talking.
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