I know you've been reading all this and hearing everything that doesn't make it to the keyboard. I know I've gone back and forth on wanting your help several times.
I just don't know you. I talk big shit about what I think you might be, but the concept of a personal God still eludes me. I think I can handle that, though. I don't know that the personal God thing is a hurdle I need to jump. I'm ok with you as I see you.
I think I can see myself as something like a Jedi, or a piece of you, maybe a conduit for you and
I've held a grudge against a version of You for quite some time. A grudge is only a grudge or vendetta if you put your energy into hating it. You hafta water, nurture, and feed that fury and hatred to make a grudge stick. I think I'm done with that grudge, or at least feeding it. I'm still not happy about it, and I can't say I'll ever agree with that aspect of You, but I think I can at least put down the sword. It will be hard not to water that grudge, I've done it for so long. That face is so common here, and the anger so familiar, it will be a tough cycle to break. With your help (and a "little help from my friends"), though, I think I can at least stop nurturing that grudge.
There's still more. I can't say I'll ever be able to worship any version of You. I acknowledge that You exist. I acknowledge that You want to help. I'll work with you, but as a team, none of this "bow down and lick my boot" shit. I realize it's a rather unequal team, you, the Omnipotent energy, and me, the scarred human, but then again, even Thor had the Avengers.
I guess what I'm saying is that I want a peace treaty and a work visa with You. You don't hafta come in through the cracks in the boards anymore, the door's open.
I guess I'm saying "I'm good with God."
Thanks,
Jen
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