Saturday, November 9, 2013

As I Lay Dreaming 1

First, a bit of a preface.  There are certain intuitive traits (I hesitate to use the word "psychic," though they could be perceived that way) that run down the female line of my mother's side of the family.  One is the ability to see the present or future in dreams.  I have never had one be literal, but most are so close to literal it's scary.  I do not choose when these occur, nor can I force one to occur. They come to me.
I had such a dream right before I woke up just now.  It wasn't a full nightmare, but I woke up crying in my sleep.  I dreamt my Sponsor had died, and I was going to the funeral.  I could easily point out to you on  map where the funeral service was help, but it wasn't as it is now.  Another church(?) had taken over that spot.  I dreamt they spoke of her childhood, but there was a movie in my head.  I think it mixed up her childhood and her college years, just based on an address that they spoke of.  It showed her wandering about a forest in brown cords, a green shirt, and wild curly hair, clutching 2 action figures and a dinosaur(?)  She sat down to play beside a puddle that, from an overhead view, was easily discernible as a dinosaur footprint.  The voiceover gave what I thought then was an intersection but I now think was a street name of some importance when she was in college, thanks to Google.  It described lots similar to what Google maps shows for those streets.  I dreamt I came out of that reverie and someone that was her, but not her, was sitting beside me.  Whoever it was looked closely at me and said "She spoke often of you, and proudly, like you were another of her kids."  Before I could ask anything, I woke up.
I woke up convinced for a second that she had died, that I'd hafta find another Sponsor.  I know she didn't, but those dreams definitely stick with you for a few days.
I think it also provoked a realization that, while I CAN go it alone, I'd rather someone else with a torch lead the way.  While I'd sorely miss her if she vanished for some reason, I think I could handle finding another Sponsor, as scary and depressing as that sounds.
I think it may also have be a warning, for my own journey. There will be times where she'll only be able to go up to the mouth of the cave, and I'll hafta be the one to spelunk inside.  She might be cheering me on the whole way, and encouraging me, but I'll hafta face some things that go bump in the night on my own.

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