More Step 4

I've been really struggling with this step.  Partially because I'm trying to get a new career off the ground at the same time, but mostly because I'm trying to work around the idea that this is something you Don't Do.  You don't talk about yourself, good or bad, but especially good.
My sponsor recommended I try to view the good things as gifts or lessons from others, to get around that mental block.  It's still difficult.
I was in the classroom today (watching a lesson and getting introduced) and the higher ups kept going on and on about how smart and talented I was and how lucky they were I was there and all these positive things.  I tried to just let it wash over me and accept them.  I mostly succeeded. It was difficult to not interject with self deprecation, but I did it.  I even managed to do it, somewhat, in my head.  That's a rather large leap forward for me, to be able to accept a compliment without self deprecation either aloud or in my head.
I got joy out of helping the students, even the "difficult" class.  It's that joy in work I've been hunting for.  The day flew by.  I smiled most of the day, which is another rarity.
Today I discovered I had more patience than I thought I had.  I discovered that maybe I am as smart as everybody keeps telling me. I was reminded that I have a talent for helping people.

Good Day 1

Today was one of those days I've been wanting.  Today was a day I kept my serenity. One small step for others, one giant leap for Jen.
I woke up from the aforementioned dream, and felt like a willow in the storm until I faced the emotions it brought on. Once I remembered I was allowed to feel those emotions, my calm came back and I examined them, allowing them to be without controlling me.  I bent and waved with the storm, but I did not snap.
My husband was a little snippy with me when he woke up because he was in pain. I decided not to take it personally, and lo, I didn't, and it went away.
I made the decision on where we went for dinner (a leap of faith for a people pleaser), and nothing went wrong.
I played a video game, died several times, and decided it wasn't worth getting angry over.
A friend fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't worry over him.
I dealt with my mother.  I was anxious, until I realized that I control my reactions and I can control how contact from her makes me feel.   I turned the ringer off for my text messages, found my calm, reread what she had sent with a clear, unanxious mind, and kept my calm in responding to her. It doesn't bother me now.  This was a major leap. Usually any dealing with my mother leaves me twitchy and anxious for days.  I'm starting to apply the Serenity Prayer in my life and it's been nothing but helpful, nothing but healthy.